stories from the middle earth press room

kahit saan tingnan, talo ako kung ang ipapalit ko lang sa 15" toshiba ko eh neo, twinhead, o msi na 12".

teka, teka, teka...bakit ko nga ba balak palitan ang toshiba ko?

kasi nakukuba na ako sa laki at bigat nito. araw-araw ko kasi siyang dala. walang desktop sa beat ko at kung meron man, 24 hours bago mag-boot, puro virus pa. literally nagkakasakit na ako sa bigat since almost 3 kilos ang dala ko lagi. to ease my back aches and other body aches kelangan magpamasahe ako linggo-linggo. it's either i buy a car or a new laptop. so obviously bagong laptop ang kelangan ko, di ba? unless may gusto sa inyong magbigay sa akin ng kotse, kahit yung chery lang. hehe.

my original plan was to sell this toshiba satellite and i'll try to add some more to buy myself a cheapo but light laptop running on core 2 or core duo (at least) to make me sort of "future-proof" for 2 years (parang sounds funny ). my main concern is the weight. don't care about the speakers, the keyboard, etc. as long as it's wi-fi ready and runs word processing programs i'll be happy.

but reading all the discussions (pati dito) on horrible built, after sales customer care, and longevity of the local and taiwanese-made brands, it made me realize that i should love my toshiba despite the weight and size. biruin mo di sila makapanood ng dvds sa neo kasi the dvd-rom conks out agad! eh ako nagmamarathon ako sa laptop ko ng mga anime ko pero wala siyang reklamo. yung sa kapatid ko nga eh, bumigay agad yung dvd-rom ng compaq nya mas bago pa yun kesa sa toshiba ko...pano pa kaya yung mga neo na yan?

plus maganda yung speakers ng toshiba ko (kahit hindi harman/kardon yung sa model ko) kaya maganda manood ng dvds/video streams kasi di tunog lata at malakas. atsaka nabagsak ko na siya at bumuka na yung cover from the LCD, buhay pa rin siya. buti na lang covered pa ng warranty kaya ok na uli siya.

atsaka ok ang service center ng toshiba (tricom, along jupiter st., makati) kasi 2 beses na ako nagpagawa sa kanila.

the downside to owning a toshiba is: 1) the price -- ang mahal! and 2) poor battery life -- the battery sucks. 15 mins na lang ang battery life ko after a year. currently looking for somebody who repacks batteries (help!) kasi yung phoenix battery store in megamall sells toshiba batteries for my laptop model at P6,000 minimum. hay.

and of course, the weight. hay nako.

mukhang tatagal pa sa akin ng 3-4 more years tong laptop ko. tiis na lang ako sa bigat.

kotse na nga lang bibilhin ko.

joel stein of Time magazine has raised this question (well, not directly) with his article you are not my friend for the aforementioned magazine to emphasize that these online social networking sites have been breeding popularity contests where one puts his best foot -- rather face -- forward.

in friendster, we try to put our best photos, showing to the world how good looking we are now (in case an ex or an enemy suddenly had the urge to hunt us down on friendster). we upload photos of ourselves with beautiful beaches for backdrop, telling the world, "hey, i go to boracay for my annual vacation since i can afford it" as if that is something to brag about these days.

to be honest, i also succumb to that kind of bragging (but not the boracay thing), posting photos of the places where i've been to recently. probably to show that i am a well-traveled person, to be snooty about it. i don't know why i do it. it's totally pointless but i don't know why i do it. it's kinda malou fernandez-ish of me, i know.

and i'm an ass for doing it. should probably cut that out. in fact i don't open my account these days even though i'm online for more than 4 hours each day. there's no motivation to do that now.

i used to be picky about whom i will accept as a friend on friendster because i don't want some bastard filling up my mailbox hounding me about my personal info and dropping pick up lines and such. or some desperate girl pestering me for testimonials.

but i don't care na. it's too tedious keeping up with it. i just reject those i don't know and accept those who i think i know.

what i noticed about friendster is that a lot of people have been pretentious enough to write in their profiles that their favorite tv program is sex IN the city and write that their favorite book is for WHO the bell tolls. i mean, what the heck! have you read that book or do you just want to look intelligent? if i want to look like i have an IQ of 228, i would have put alvin toffler's the third wave in there and some other mind-bending book i wouldn't touch even my life depended on it.

"But really, these sites aren't about connecting and reconnecting. They're a platform for self-branding. Old people are always worrying that our blogging and personal websites and MySpace profiles are taking away our privacy, but they clearly don't understand the word privacy. We're not sharing things we don't want other people to know. We're showing you our best posed, retouched photos. We're listing the Pynchon books we want you to think we've read all the way through. We're allowing other people to write whatever they want about us on our walls, unless we don't like it, in which case we just erase it. If we had that much privacy in real life, the bathrooms at that Minnesota airport would be empty." Stein writes.

touche! hehe

so why would i want to write my favorite tv shows, books or movies? because i want to give my potential gift-giver an idea what to i want to receive on my birthday or christmas. hehe. sooo pragmatic of me. probably because of that, i was able to receive a vcd of princess mononoke from my brother and sister-in-law. or they already know me without the help of friendster.

"...This is hard to say to a friend, but our relationship is starting to take up too much of my time. It's weird that I know more about you than I do about actual friends I hang out with in person--whom I propose we distinguish by calling "non-metafriends." In fact, I know more about you than I know about myself. I have no idea what my favorite movie or song or TV show is. Last I checked, they all involved Muppets..."

that's the reason why i limited myself to friendster. i find social networking tedious. i just opened a multiply account since i need an online store. i accept all the friends invitations so that i would have a huge network of potential buyers so wala na akong pinipili.

so if you ask me if you are my friend, i'm sorry but i have to say "no, you're not" if you don't fit in my definition of a friend. pretty picky when it comes to that. just because you're in my friendster don't assume you are already a friend.

suplada ba? haha.

there are so many unfair things in this world and what happened to me yesterday was one of them. can't elaborate but i don't know if this involves work politics or what or simply a result of somebody's idiotic tendencies.

being unappreciated. damn, i could kill.

technically it's not landline anymore, right? i mean it does not involve terrestial lines/cables whatever.

out of desperation, i finally got myself bayantel's wireless landline.



so far it's ok and i have used it today (just got it a couple of hours ago) to talk to sources and to do some follow ups. yun nga lang yung bahay namin ngayon ang daming deadspot kahit sa cellphone. so far the signal is ok at the second level of the house near the desktop pc. for best reception, the unit should be placed near the verranda.

hehe. pwede na akong maging house reporter pag me sakit ako.

what's good about this i can bring this with me sa coverage para mabawasan ang gastos ko sa cellphone ko. hehe. weird nga lang itsura ko if i would lug this always with me. i would need a huge bag.

makakaexclusive pa ako lalo kasi wala akong kaagaw sa landline sa press room. whooopee.

i'm P700 poorer nga lang every month. i'll see if this thing would be worth it.

i've become weary of news about the glorietta blast and tried to insulate myself from the issue but i couldn't since i also have to follow up some stuff to fill some blanks in the story. nakakamanhid din pala. parang i'm past caring na.

since it's my birthday today (it's already 1 am), i've decided to take a break and stay home with my cousin and sister who are staying with us today to celebrate with me -- and get away from glorietta overload.

how? by watching anime. we just spent a couple of hours in front of the tv, skipping from one anime to another after dinner at shanghai bistro in eastwood city, libis. escapist ba? hehe.

however, i have to attend a briefing in ortigas mamaya. nasira tuloy plano ko na completely di ako lalabas ng bahay since i thought i deserved a break after finishing my 5-page, single-spaced special report.

last year my birthday was miserable since i think i wrote 5 or 6 stories that day since i was covering 2 beats at the same time and i was so harassed and pissed off that i spent the entire night snarling at Other Half in the Mall of Asia.

at least sana man lang maganda ang araw ko ngayon. footspa, body massage and red wine (just had a couple of glasses) sounds heaven to me.

happy birthday din kay barefoot tennis aka crimsonarrows! tumanda na naman tayo.

i was in makati yesterday to cover an event in one of the hotels there and later decided to leave it to write my articles in some press room nearby. there i was, cavorting with some colleagues from the broadcast media (one of them was so incensed with mcdonalds for botching the orders) when their respective cellphones rang.

there was a blast in nearby glorietta 2 mall.

a few minutes later, sirens of ambulances filled the air. i was starting to write my first article for the day when that happened. another colleague whom i was with during the coverage suddenly burst into the room and declared it was a good thing he decided not to go to glorietta after we left the hotel or else...

i was even thinking of going there after i have finished the articles because i thought i needed some new blouses since i'm already bursting in my older ones and later i would just ride the FX at the terminal at the back of landmark.

so there we were, huddled in front of the tv watching/hearing our colleagues -- who were with us some 5 to 10 minutes ago -- reporting about the tragedy.

another colleague and i were skeptical about the exploding LPG theory since the cameraphone photos taken by our colleague that was broadcasted on tv showed no signs of fire that usually accompanies LPG explosions. no one reported about gas smells or something that would indicate gas leaks.

it was already 3:00 pm but still i wasn't able to continue writing my articles. i don't know why i was affected. by 4 pm i forced myself to finish 3 articles within an hour.

another colleage texted me and asked where i was and she was worried i was in glorietta since she knew i was just in the area. told her i was fine and i didn't go to the mall for lunch.

it was already 5 when i called up the office and asked if all my stories came in our mailbox and told my colleague on the other line that i was in makati so i couldn't go to our office for the company meeting.

"ha? nasa makati ka? kanina pang naghahanap si Sir ng tao sa makati, yung tatao sa makati med."

i didn't know the protocol for cross-beats. i didn't receive orders from my section editor. i was stuck...catatonic baga. di ako makagalaw, di ko alam kung ano dapat gawin.

i'm not really brave when it comes to things like that. i wouldn't know how to report tragedies like that. i'm emotional and easily shaken. i could explain to you the philippine economy and business, the subprime mess and interest rates but i don't think i can handle things like deaths and such.

but others would argue that i should be able to do that since -- well, you know, people in our business should be thick-skinned and unaffected.

there i was, being the exact opposite.

i wonder what kind of world we have today if he won the presidency. american soldiers won't have to die everyday in a war they didn't want. that the iraqis didn't want at all. the US may also have signed the kyoto protocol.

i'm talking about al gore, the newest nobel peace prize winner. he and his creepy documentary. that scared the shit out of me, as i've said in one blog entry before.


another winner was the U.N.'s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.

climate change is beyond politics. all people from different political color should understand that this is a serious threat not only to wildlife but also to our way of life. to drive the point home, isn't strange that temperatures the past few days were unbearably high? it's already october.

think.


--

Holy crap. i wish i was as good as this artist! watch the video of his/her painting process. galeng.

biggest frustration in my life was fine arts. i dabbled with charcoal and watercolor in highschool but that's it. i didn't have the resources nor the time to indulge in it. i was too busy playing characters on stage and the allure of the klieg lights was more attractive.

that's the trouble with me, i have too many interests that i never focus on one thing. Other Half told me that the only thing that i stuck with was writing.

i've been wanting to enroll in some art sessions with the Saturday Group in araneta, cubao. i've been telling that to myself year in and year out. ilang taon din yung sambit sambit ko but i never got to do it. now i wonder if they're still there.

whenever i'm at the basement of fullybooked in bonifacio high street, i am being seduced by these shockingly expensive art materials (oil, acrylic, watercolors, canvas). i was tempted to buy one set of those watercolors (rembrandt artists' watercolors) but i held back because i knew i didn't have time for that.

ah. when you're a media practitioner time is so precious that any idle moment is spent for sleeping. the only reason why i was able to blog for a few straight days is because my older sister was so generous that she gave me her virus. ergo, i'm a walking zombie with a splitting headache. i've been working at home for a few days now. my body is aching. and to keep me from being bored i blog in between articles.

so anyway, since i'm a frustrated artist, i figured i could turn to photography. however, the hideously expensive DSLRs out there would never do. i have a Nikon FM2 courtesy of my geologist uncle who thought i could use it since i am a journalist (err...uncle, photojournalists use DSLRs nowadays...). the old SLR is tough and really good for professionals and amateurs but who uses films nowadays (except for "lomographers")?

besides the Nikon, my family has a Canon EOS Rebel II SLR at home with 35-80mm and 80-200mm lenses that no one uses. but then, it's too expensive to be playing around with films these days. although you can have the films developed straight to cds (try digiprint, lomographers swear by their service), it's still expensive compared to shooting and uploading photos in the computer to see your masterpiece.

so when i was in HK in august with my colleagues, it took some great willpower to keep me from buying the nikon d40x (which was really cheaper compared to prices in quiapo or in malls here in manila). i thought about those SLRs gathering dust at home.

i figured i could just buy those prosumer cameras from nikon or fuji to satisfy my need for manual controls and zoom. if i buy a DSLR, i would always have this urge to upgrade lenses and all those friggin' kits. besides, DSLRs are too bulky and cumbersome to lug around. as they say, the gadgets do not make a photographer rather it's the "eye" and capturing the "moment".

i don''t know if that's true. or maybe i'm just justifying my choice to get a prosumer camera instead of a DSLR. what you think?

from butch dalisay's blog:

"There are actually many jobs for writers out there—our bulletin board at the department is peppered with wanted ads—but they require technical rather than creative writers, and it takes a certain mindset (not to mention a skills set) to switch between the two. Time was when creative writers thought of themselves as God’s own children, when even journalism was looked down upon as an unworthy alternative. Nothing burns me up more than this attitude; having worked myself as a journalist for the pre-martial law Herald and Taliba, and as an occasional contributor to and editor for newsmagazines, I value the discipline, the commitment, and the attention to detail that journalism demands of the writer. I remind my students that they have only to look to Nick Joaquin for the finest example of a writer who saw no contradiction and only complementation between creative writing and journalism (which he, echoing Matthew Arnold, called “literature in a hurry”).

Sadly if curiously, the transition from one mode to the other isn’t an easy one to make. While creative writers used to producing one short story or a handful of poems a year may find the journalist’s daily deadlines punishing, journalists—those whom I’ve had as students in graduate class—typically find it difficult to switch off their “fact” buttons and let the logic of plot and character—not “what really happened”—drive the narrative. I may advise them in that case to specialize in creative nonfiction, something of a hybrid between journalistic reportage and the personal essay, but even then some journalists still find it difficult to insinuate themselves as characters into the unfolding story.

There’s just as much resistance in some young creative writers to the idea of writing for money—or rather, let me qualify that: not to money itself, which everyone needs to pay the bills and buy the iPod, but to compromising one’s cherished beliefs to sell a bar of soap or that hardest of sells, a politician. My response to these anguished cries is a form of tough love (and an old cliché): if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Advertising and PR (whether corporate or government) require a strong constitution and a stomach made of boilerplate steel..."

and that, my friends, is the reason why i can't write fiction anymore. 1) it's hard to switch off my "journalistic" writing mode; and 2) fiction writing saps the spirit out of me because i have to dig deeper for emotions. EMOTIONS. in writing news articles 4 times daily, i have to be "emotionless" to temper the tone or balance my writing...thus i've become numb.

it has been two years since i wrote a short story, my entry for the palanca awards. obviously it was not chosen as among the best that year.

"...There’s just as much resistance in some young creative writers to the idea of writing for money..."

AND that notion is held by spoiled rich artistes and who have not experienced what is like to be in the real world.

"Advertising and PR (whether corporate or government) require a strong constitution and a stomach made of boilerplate steel..."

AMEN to that. been a ghost writer for a politician (and that i remained a ghost for this politician for quite a while) to help out Other Half and i had been a writer for a government office also -- all i can say is it's really hard but what can i do? it brings food on the table.

it's hard to be an english language writer in this country where only a small portion of the population can buy books for leisure. you will not be able to lead a comfortable life for yourself (lang ha. wala pang pamilya yan) if you rely solely on your creative writing pursuits for a living.

actually being a writer is a blessing and a curse at the same time. writing can free you since you can express whatever crap you have inside. one time my mother told me she envied me because i could put into words whatever thought and emotions i have bottled up inside.

it's a curse because being a writer means having this eternal inexplicable hunger deep inside that gnaws at your very soul if you choose another road where the grass is greener.

and these thoughts do enter my head once a week when the battles inside my head rage on whether or not i would or could stay in this business for another one and a half years.

-30-

we went home to elbi on saturday with my younger sister and cousin potatochips in tow to celebrate my mom's birthday. di pa kami nakuntento sa pagkain sa bahay (mmm...crispy pata from nagcarlan is the best!).

after watching some anime on dvd, Other Half and i suddenly felt some hunger pangs that propelled us to scrounge for food outside of the house. potatochips was also with us. halatang matatakaw.

went to grove for the addictive papu's siomai but they were already closing up for the night. too bad. if you're in elbi i recommend that you try papu's. unfortunately, it's literally a hole-in-the-wall affair so you'll have a very hard time locating the eatery.

kung di ako nagkakamali less P60 itong lahat nang ito. P12 per serving (3 pcs). ang sarap isama sa kanin. for P16, may student meal na (solb na solb sa mga estudyanteng wala nang pera lalo na pag byernes.

so dahil nagsasara na si papu's, binalingan namin si doner durum, a few feet away from papu's. nagsasara na rin (at 11 pm). natira na lang yung spicy shawarma nila. si Other Half na lang ang bumili. bigo si potatochips.

sarado na rin ang mcdo, naghanap na lang kami ng burger. walang burger machine...sabi ko eto na lang:

ayaw daw ni potatochips mag-try ng di nya kilala ang lasa (bugel's burger). dito tuloy ang bagsak namin.

buy one, take one po ang drama nila. pinatos na namin. kaso ang sama ng lasa. ok nang pantawid-gutom. midnight cravings, tsk tsk...

the next day, Other Half and i went to the famous/infamous batcave to eat a "healthy" dose of lechong kawali with unlimited servings of sarsa ni mang tomas...only now that sarsa is conspicuously absent. nagtitipid?

to the unitiated, batcave is where students go to eat greasy affordable lutong-bahay. yupielbi grads go to batcave for the sake of nostalgia. Other Half goes there for the cholesterol (lechong kawali and chicharon). if you're not from elbi, you'll have a difficult time finding the place since it looks like an ordinary two-storey apartment at the back of the hospital. another hole-in-the wall eatery, hence the name batcave. actually mga estudyante na lang nagpangalan ng batcave dun kasi ang hirap nga hanapin.

since bigo si potatochips the night before, we had to buy shawarma at doner durum before leaving for manila. she bought two and wolfed these down inside the car. until the next day, the car's interior smelled like garlic sauce.

to other people, these foods (doner durum, papus, batcave) are not exceptionally fantastic or something you can consider the best you'll ever taste. but for us people who have lived in elbi, be it only for a year or for an eternity, these taste like home.

i wish i could have included DTRI freshmilk and kesong puti, the vietnamese resto in the former agrix compound (the one the late doreen fernandez has written about), joe's (the expat hangout), kwek-kwek and other stuff that some yupielbi grads and residents have been craving for. didn't have enough time for that for one weekend. perhaps next time.

i miss elbi.

no one calls me "ale"!

I AM NOT STILL AN ALE!!! i should have torn him to pieces when he called me an ale. busit sha.

earlier this evening when i was going home, one neanderthal sat beside me and one across me at the back of the FX i was riding. i paid P20 and was waiting for my P2 change when these two non-human beings began making snide remaks about the aircon.

then the driver asked, "sino pa ang di nasusuklian?"

"manong may dalawampiso pa ako," i said.

seems like the driver didn't hear me so one of the neaderthals said, "mama yung dalampiso daw po nung ale."

EXCUSE ME, di pa ako ale!!!

---

forgive my vanity, just this once.

for me, my image of an "ale" is that of an old woman, past 50 years of age.

i firmly believe that i could still pass for a college student.

aggggh! what a way to end the week.

---

AND I MADE A RASH DECISION but i think i am happy with it.

hopefully.

yesterday after i finished my articles, i went to UP diliman to sort out my life by going around in circles inside the campus. funny but whenever i am troubled, i always go to UP to think. kahit na gano pa ako kalayo.

i talked to my boss about prospects and stuff. then i went to the church and prayed and almost cried because of conflicting emotions. then my feet brought me back to CMC. i dunno why.

nagbakasakali, i went up to the journ dept., hoping i could talk to someone.

surprisingly, may nakausap naman ako kahit gabi na.

because of that, lumiwanag ang mundo ko bigla.

so when i got home, i emailed my boss and said i would be sticking with the paper for a while and i may have to apply for a leave of absence by first sem next school year (june/july to sept 2008) to finish my thesis before the college could kick me out. i have to work on the preliminary research plus the topic defense this coming second sem SY 2007-2008 then concentrate on the body of my thesis. seryoso na talaga.

if management does not agree to my unpaid leave, then i would have to resign from my post. raraket na lang muna ako habang nagtatapos ng thesis. bahala na. actually, it would be a relief to get away from the industry for a while. habang wala pa akong anak.

i think that solved my dilemma whether or not to move to another company. God works in mysterious ways.

so this morning i called the boss of the company who wanted to get me and sadly i had to turn them down because of this decision. the boss said the doors are always open for me after i finish my academic pursuit(s).

i realized priority ko pala ang edukasyon (the formal and nonformal kind i.e. learning experience) than money.

stupid, really.

i just hope i would have a higher market value by the time i would finally leave my present company.

i hope i'm right about my decision.

---

some of my colleagues couldn't understand why i have to finish my master's degree when i can earn my living without it. one even thought that the one i'm going to finish was my undergraduate thesis. when she learned that it was for my MA, she asked, "hindi ba pwedeng i-drop mo na lang yan?" 

bakit nga ba kelangan ko tapusin?

i don't know. maybe because i grew up in a household that puts a premium on education, esp. higher ed. i could see fromy my colleague's face that she thought i was nuts. 

i know i am not. it's just that people don't understand different people have different sets of priorities.