i can get satire, even english humor…but i guess this one’s done in really bad taste. not really amusing at all.

and chip tsao, i just hope lousia will not use your toothbrush to clean your toilet.

The War At Home

March 27th, 2009

The Russians sank a Hong Kong freighter last month, killing the seven Chinese seamen on board. We can live with that—Lenin and Stalin were once the ideological mentors of all Chinese people. The Japanese planted a flag on Diàoyú Island. That’s no big problem—we Hong Kong Chinese love Japanese cartoons, Hello Kitty, and shopping in Shinjuku, let alone our round-the-clock obsession with karaoke.

But hold on—even the Filipinos? Manila has just claimed sovereignty over the scattered rocks in the South China Sea called the Spratly Islands, complete with a blatant threat from its congress to send gunboats to the South China Sea to defend the islands from China if necessary. This is beyond reproach. The reason: there are more than 130,000 Filipina maids working as $3,580-a-month cheap labor in Hong Kong. As a nation of servants, you don’t flex your muscles at your master, from whom you earn most of your bread and butter.

As a patriotic Chinese man, the news has made my blood boil. I summoned Louisa, my domestic assistant who holds a degree in international politics from the University of Manila, hung a map on the wall, and gave her a harsh lecture. I sternly warned her that if she wants her wages increased next year, she had better tell every one of her compatriots in Statue Square on Sunday that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China.

Grimly, I told her that if war breaks out between the Philippines and China, I would have to end her employment and send her straight home, because I would not risk the crime of treason for sponsoring an enemy of the state by paying her to wash my toilet and clean my windows 16 hours a day. With that money, she would pay taxes to her government, and they would fund a navy to invade our motherland and deeply hurt my feelings.

Oh yes. The government of the Philippines would certainly be wrong if they think we Chinese are prepared to swallow their insult and sit back and lose a Falkland Islands War in the Far East. They may have Barack Obama and the hawkish American military behind them, but we have a hostage in each of our homes in the Mid-Levels or higher. Some of my friends told me they have already declared a state of emergency at home. Their maids have been made to shout “China, Madam/Sir” loudly whenever they hear the word “Spratly.” They say the indoctrination is working as wonderfully as when we used to shout, “Long live Chairman Mao!” at the sight of a portrait of our Great Leader during the Cultural Revolution. I’m not sure if that’s going a bit too far, at least for the time being. 

Chip Tsao is a best-selling author and columnist. A former reporter for the BBC, his columns have also appeared in Apple Daily, Next Magazine and CUP Magazine, among others. 

and i don’t care if he’s a former BBC reporter; that doesn’t mean that he’s an excellent reporter.

i do not know what the future of media will be (even though i am taking up a higher degree about mass media). a colleague-friend who moved from print to online texted me one day what will the future be for media? will print survive?

i honestly do not know. i do not have empirical data to back me up with whatever i’m going to say but i’ve pondered on this quite a bit, especially now with several print newspapers in the US folding up and/or needing to be rescued.

i read somewhere (i cannot remember if it’s newsweek, fortune, time or wall street journal — my regular reading materials on my bedside table) that the current online newspaper business model (online advertising) MAY NOT be the way to go since online advertising has also been dwindling (especially with the recession). advertisers are not really keen now on just having banners and buttons on host websites since the reader usually ignores these, thus, the advertiser’s goal is not met. rarely do readers click on these ads. plus the ad fees for online content are smaller compared with those for the print version. and the flash ads — people just tend to skip them. unlike the full color newspaper ad, it’s in your face and you cannot escape it.

but then going online means smaller overhead costs — but a lot of jobless people (i.e. journalists).

as our president told us, our overhead costs are still supported by the print advertising and online advertising is just a couple of million a month — not enough to cover a fifth of our operating expenses.

others argued that some overhead costs cannot be slashed because some reportage do need quite a lot of resources, like investigative or exploratory reports. what’s the point of putting out content that is the same as anybody else’s?

going the online subscription route is also not viable for some media outfits because people expect things on the internet to be free, ergo, anathema to netizens. UNLESS (as one article i read said), your content is worth paying for (i.e. wall street journal) and you alone can provide that kind of content.

how can you do that in this current situation where all newspapers contain the same news items? there’s nothing unique. oh you can argue that PDI is this and that while STAR is this and that. but still, they have the same nicole story, the same ping lacson story…

plus internet penetration in the country is so miniscule that only a handful of pinoys can access online news. some argued that how can they educate the masa, keep the public discourse going, when only a few can read the news if we totally ditch the print versions?

but the counter argument to that is there are at least 8 million pinoys abroad whose only access to news back home is via online news websites. that is enough for advertisers to get pulled into online newspapers or magazines. (that is the reason why GMAnews.tv’s main thrust is “what are the things that pique the interest of OFWs?”)

plus the masa don’t even read english-language broadsheets.

a counter counter argument to that is — the philippines is not made up of just 8 million pinoys abroad. a counter counter counter to that is, the pinoys naman have TV news…but let’s not get into that. it’s a dangerous road to take and if i say that pinoys wouldn’t get anything nutritious from local TV news; i may get stoned by colleagues from the industry.

so my conclusion? the print may stay for a while until we couldn’t handle the escalating costs of paper and ink. as our president said, paper already comprises half of our overhead.

and where do i go from here?

i would take a shower and go to work na.

since the Holy Week is just a sneeze away, i told Other Half to stock up on movies (i.e. download a lot) that we will be subsisting on during those lazy days. (last day at the office will be on Tuesday yey!).

then i was reminded that i had to download If Lucy Fell for my bestfriend, who is undergoing a love catastrophe. it’s a movie i kept quoting to her for some reason. There was this scene in the movie where sarah jessica parker (pre-carrie bradshaw sex and the city) was talking with her male bestfriend and asked him so many (ridiculous) questions just to find out if he would catch her if she falls (“would you drink my spit?”).

“Al: I’m proud of you Joe.
Joe MacGonaughgill: Why?
Al: You finally figured out the girl in your heart isn’t the girl in your dreams. Some people don’t figure it out all their lives…”

that, i told my friend, is the question she should be asking herself when she needs to purge a guy from her life. now she is intrigued with this movie and asked for a download. unfortunately it’s so old (1996) that even the P2P sites don’t yield me any torrents of this.

it’s not a great movie but for some reason this movie got stuck in my head. it’s not really well known and because we were consuming VHS tapes by the hundreds back then (no cable TV, local terrestial TV sucked) i was able to watch those obscure movies.

–

then i remembered the movies that i kept playing on and on our VHS. my friends and i usually have a VHS-fest at home (my highschool is just a stone’s throw away from our house) so during breaks or Friday we get to watch these movies over and over.

While You Were Sleeping is the movie that endeared sandra bullock to me forever (The Net is another one). kilig factor here, funny scenes there…it was a perfect movie for us back then who grew up reading Sweet Dreams.

Lucy: I’m having an affair. I like Jack.
Jerry: Who’s Jack?
Lucy: Peter’s brother.
Jerry: So?
Lucy: So he thinks I’m engaged.
Jerry: To who?
Lucy: To Peter.
Jerry: Lucy, I really don’t have time for this.
Lucy: No, you have to tell me what to do.
Jerry: Tell the truth.
Lucy: If I tell Jack I lied to his family he will *never* speak to me again. And Ox and Midge and Mary and Saul.
Jerry: Saul? Who’s Saul?
Lucy: The next door neighbor. But you know what? Actually, he knows.
Jerry: Lucy, you are born into a family. You do not join them like you do the marines.
Lucy: So what should I do?
Jerry: Pull the plug.
Lucy: You’re sick.
Jerry: I’m sick? You’re cheating on a vegetable.

no sex or whatever here. sex makes things complicated.

–

another movie that we played to death in our VHS player was Clueless. it defined our generation. everyone then had “as if!’ as their expression. girls wore knee-length socks and tiny skirts to school. preppy clothes were in. calvin klein was hot.

Cher Horowitz: So okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair - ew - and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so.

i fell in love with paul rudd.

–

Chasing Amy was another obscure, ridiculously funny movie made by one of the original slacker-doobie boys back then. yeah, the jay and silent bob duo.

Silent Bob: So there’s me an’ Amy, and we’re all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then four months down the road, the idiot gear kicks in, and I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Which, as we all know, is a really dumb move. But, you know how it is - you don’t wanna know, but you just have to, right? Stupid guy bullshit. So, anyway, she starts telling me about him - how they fell in love, and how they went out for a couple of years, and how they lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah - and I’m okay. But then she drops the bomb on me, and the bomb is this: it seems that a couple of times, while they were goin’ out, he brought some people to bed with them. Menage a tois I believe it’s called. Now this just blows my mind, right. I mean, I am not used to this sort of thing. I mean, I was raised Catholic for God’s sakes.

Jay: Saint Shithead.

[Silent Bob elbows him, Jay motions as if to start a fight

Silent Bob: Do something.

[to Holden]

Silent Bob: So, I’m totally weirded out by this, right? And I just start blastin’ her. Like I don’t know how to deal with what I’m feeling, so I figure the best way is by callin’ her a slut, right? And tell her she was used. I’m-I’m out for blood. I really wanna hurt this girl. I’m like, “What the fuck is your problem?”, right. And she’s just all calmly tryin’ to tell me like it was that time and it was that place and she doesn’t think she should apologize because she doesn’t feel that she’s done anything wrong. I’m like, “Oh, really?” That’s when I look her strait in the eye, I tell her it’s over. I walk.

Jay: Fucking-A.

Silent Bob: No, idiot. It was a mistake. I wasn’t disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like-like I’d lacked experience, like I’d never be on her level, like I’d never be enough for her or something like that, you know what I’m saayin’? But, what I did not get, she didn’t care. She wasn’t looking for that guy anymore. She was - she was looking for me, for-for the Bob. But, uh, by the time I figure this all out, it was too late, man. She moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But, I pushed her away. So I’ve spent every day since then chasing Amy… So to speak.

and this was the movie that starred ben afleck, before Good Will Hunting and the jennifer lopez eklavu. and this movie was made by the guys that brought us Mall Rats.

–

Romy and Michelle Highschool Reunion is a zany chick flick, which made me think about my highschool reunion (the movie was released in 1997) about 10 years or 15 years from that time.

Romy: Swear to God, sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.
Michele: Do you want to try to have sex sometime just to see if we are?
Romy: What? Yeah, right, Michelle. Just the idea of having sex with another woman creeps me out. But if we’re not married by the time we’re 30, ask me again.
Michele: Okay.

and i hoped at that time i would not have to concoct a story that i invented Post Its in order for me to validate my brilliance or self worth to a bunch of nincompoops during a highschool reunion.

a funny movie starring smart actors (lisa kudrow and mira sorvino) in not-so-smart roles. jeanne garofalo (as this bitter, dark, punk persona) was someone i recognized from our own highschool. there were these two girls who loved witches, long hais, and always wore black and boots to school. and oh, they hated my older sister for some unknown reason.

–

uy, gotta download na.

there was this boyet fajardo brouhaha (“di mo ba ko kilala?!”) involving duty free employees with matching luhod and iyak. i know that this issue has been blogged to death so just read it at chuvaness.com. someone even uploaded a video of it in youtube.

the thing here is, this is the philippines — where everybody who had his or her name published/had it up on a marquee would consider himself/herself somebody. to make things more complicated, they would claim close relationships with so and so “powerful” figures like it’s a ticket to doing tasteless things, like forcing an employee who is just doing his job to kneel and beg for forgiveness.

and here in the philippines, even tv crew members (cameramen and mic boys) claim power. met some obnoxious ones while i was still in the field.

–
then there’s this libel case against blogger bambee dela paz, of the infamous pagdangaman case. everyone in the country is fair game when it comes to libel. as long as the libelous thing was communicated through a channel that is accessible to a lot of people (mass media, internet, etc.), then you’re screwed. if i remember my media law correctly, libel cases would usually boil down to whether there was malicious intent in the item (i.e. deliberately maligning someone).

problem with blogs is that the items published there are usually one-sided since the gatekeeping duties usually fall on a small number of people manning the blog (or usually one). as i’ve said before, therein lies the difference between blogs and print media.

–

i am again in this roller coaster ride. could not do my job right (time constraints, physical exhaustion) and again received some scathing remarks from a colleague via email.

gusto kong sabihin, “tao lang!” and add, “kayo kaya umupo dito, aber.” i didn’t ask for this it was thrust on me by circumstance and my only choice was to resign or stay on as this.

but then Other Half told me if i can’t get out of this position i am in, might as well do what i can do with what i have (do not wish for manpower that i cannot even have).

and i say i just quit this whole f*cking thing and make them realize what i am doing is no joke. but then i have to pull myself together and get on with it. and be the best that i can be with this whole effing thing.

i’ve noticed that my internet connection becomes achingly slow at night. i could not determine if there was somebody pilfering my internet connection through wi-fi since i already uninstalled the software i tried (trial only for 15 days) that monitors if some alien life form out there is trying to join my home network.

a few minutes ago, i checked my wireless router’s security and to my dismay, i found that my network key’s encyption was set only to WPA, not WPA2, which is more secure. i hastily changed it and the network key…

et voila! my internet connection is back to its normal zippy self.

somebody must have enjoyed free internet connection (and must have been downloading, too, i bet) at my expense. i wonder which of my neighbors is the kawatan…

that’s why childern, use the WPA2, not WPA and — oh gawd forbid — WEP! there are many hi-tech robbers out there.

yes, i may not have a right to judge nicole but goddammit! i want to scratch her face for duping me and the rest of the country. i feel betrayed. i supported her all the way. i defended her from people who labeled her as a prostitute (and these friggin’ people who do not know what it is like to be violated by a man and so on and so forth…) and despite the brouhaha she has caused, i still supported her and accepted her as a poster girl for those abused women.

but it only takes a US visa greencard to make it go away…

now what can i call you? selling yourself to uncle sam and selling the principles that you supposedly were fighting for.

yeah yeah, just like what your mom said, you needed a new life, a peace of mind. but why go to the US? why there? it could have been australia, canada or europe. if she used her tiny brain, she would’ve known that the chances that she would get a US visa greencard is nil given that she practically went against the US government for accusing its servicemen of rape. so she had to recant just to be able to get to the oh-the-land-of-milk-and-honey bullshit.

“Nicole’s big dream was to go to the United States and work there as a nurse, according to her mother.

“It was her dream even before [the rape at the Subic Freeport Zone]. That’s why she took a special course in nursing—because she wanted to go abroad, to the United States.”

Nicole is a management accounting graduate…”
– inquirer.net

so…

yes i am harsh on her. you might say i do not have the right to say these things about her, that i do not know what she went through and all that crap. yes i do not have the right but i have the right to express my feelings and right now i am angry.

other half and i are not really thrifty (hence the lcd monitor) by my mother’s standards (yun ang kuripot!) but i wish we were less of a spendthrift than we are now.

anyway, we have resorted to sourcing our “wants” from segunda mano stores. our favorite haunts are the korean-japanese second hand stores because some of the furniture from those two countries are much sturdier than the brand new items sold in malls.

i once bought a brand new computer chair from Office Warehouse in araneta center. it didn’t lastfor 6 months. one of the plastic legs cracked under Other Half’s weight. now i dunno if i bought a lemon or Other Half should join the Biggest Loser.

anyway, since that computer chair incident, i stayed away from computer chairs with plastic legs. bought Other Half a new black cushioned chair but it took me a long time before i bought mine. i had to look for a chair with steel legs but will not leave me broke.

we bought this at a thrift shop in ortigas (in front of metro walk) for about P1,300 only. steel base, good wood, comfortable…what more can i want?

since i inherited this bit CRT monitor — which my secretary table could not accomodate — i had to look for a simple computer table. again we went to the segunda mano store in ortigas and found this:

perfect companion for my chair. it’s sturdy, with steel legs and has a simple design. old japanese-made furniture beats the new ones sold in the malls today.

so my home office is built on second-hand furniture, from hand-me-downs from my Other Half’s old house to japanese thrift shops.

i still have to fix the endless clutter inside this room.

that plastic shelf (which you can buy from the palengke) where the fax machine now sits was handed down to me by my mother-in-law, who used it as a shelf inside her old cabinet.

to be continued…(i’m in an office organization mode right now)

i just realized i might be already old for what i am doing with my life right now. i realized Other Half may become tired of waiting for me to grow up. maybe i should start rethinking what my priorities are.

and maybe professional fulfillment should be cast aside in favor of personal life. and maybe i should try to be happy with that decision.

as a coworker told me last night over bottles of beer: alam mo ang mga dugong elbi, makasarili.

i can’t understand why brian gorell and amiel cabanlig would reveal who is really behind the now defunct and much-missed (in my opinion) chikatime. i think both secretly celebrated the way chikatime revealed the ugliness of so-called high society and brian gorell even benefited from the exposure and support of chikatime when his blog had yet to get the following it had more than a year ago. so i can’t fathom why they would now throw shit at the creator.

because the creator turned out to be bryanboy, the fashion blogger who is oozing with so much gayness that he “sweats glitter”. they want to get back at him because the both of them (brian gorell and dona victorina) had been had!

as one commenter said:

This is what Gorrell had to say when asked why he was exposing BB as CT:

“BB is exposing himself. Too much happens behind the scenes. I can’t explain it all here. I HELPED CHIKATIME!

My story was going to come out anyways. Chikatime was just first. I owe Chikatime nothing. We scratched each others backs. It’s how it work!”

Really Gorrell? Whatever happened to friendship and loyalty? Singing a different tune now huh Brian? You owe CT nothing? You are such a user Brian. How pathetic…”

i used to enjoy gorell’s blog but the way he’s acting up now is…i can’t put my finger in it. i am disappointed. not that i am a fan of bryanboy (most of the time i really can’t relate to whatever he’s talking about because i cannot even afford a P1,000-t-shirt) but they’re as bad as jenni epperson.

yun lang pow.

–

this is insanity already

the smallest shuffle apple has. no means of controlling the little thing and as far as i understand, this thing is voice operated or something. i dunno why apple has to make simple things complicated. just like you can’t even delete songs on the ipod unit itself and you had to do it via itunes, when you get home to your mac or pc.

–

been verrrrry busy the past few weeks. been throwing one bomb after another. i am currently waiting for somebody to speak to me on the phone. i’ve been calling this office for a few days now every 30 minutes. patience wearing thin.

they have to talk to me!!!

–

btw, my boss gave me a VIP ticket to see the Journey at the araneta coliseum SM mall of asia tomorrow night. TICKET. singular. my co-worker nabbed the other one. it’s impossible for us to get another VIP seat now (plus the price is equivalent to a new cell phone) so i told Other Half he can have it since he is the reason why i asked my boss for the ticket. sans me. oh he can live with it, so can i. he watched the U2 3D concert at imax by himself (i gave him two imax tickets i won last christmas) when he was waiting for me to finish my desk duty. he even watched highschool musical 3 at the cinema by his lonesome (because, again i was at work).

so he would be watching the concert with the artistas. hehe