two nights ago, i dreamed about a friend. a very close friend from highschool. she saved my sanity during those years. we remained close even until after college. she was on my speed dial in those days. Other Half and I went to her place almost 9 years ago so that she would get to know him.

but all of a sudden it changed when she became the girlfriend of another highschool classmate. that guy had a reputation waaaaaaaay back for being selfish to the extent he would cut off ties of his gf from ‘outside world’. that reputation didn’t bother me that much until one day i realized i couldn’t reach this friend of mine who used to call me ‘buddy’.

i let it pass. i assumed we were both busy.

but i dreamed of her two nights ago and i woke up really sad. my heart was breaking. i didn’t know i was grieving until NOW.

i am now acknowledging to myself that i was hurt when i learned that she already left for the US to pursue her masters and doctorate in some hotshot university there FROM OTHER PEOPLE. and to be with her bf who was already working there.

and i learned that they already got married when her mom told my mom.

i told myself it was ok, maybe she didn’t value our friendship that much.

but i tried to reach out to her. when my father died, i emailed her and told her that, hoping that she would say something to me…

she never replied.

i uploaded some highschool photos in facebook last year and a lot of my batchmates commented on these, almost making the pages like chatrooms. but there was this photo of us–this friend and 2 other friends–that was bereft of any comment. then one of the girls in the photo commented on it.

then SHE wrote a comment. she said, “it seems like yesterday.”

oh yes, it seems like yesterday when i slept in her room and we tweaked our yearbook. it seems like yesterday when she would tell me about her drinking episodes with brods and sisses, her first kiss, her boyfriends who took her for granted, her heartbreaks, her hopes of getting into this university for higher degrees, swapping books, watching movies in our second floor TV nook…

i checked her facebook account and saw she already has a kid with our classmate/her husband. i would’ve wanted to say something to her but i couldn’t. i am afraid of rejection.

i hope she’s happy. knowing her husband, i know that they’ll not be coming back here. so i guess i won’t be seeing her again.